1In the same way, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, so that, even if any don’t obey the Word, they may be won by the behavior of their wives without a word, 2seeing your pure behavior in fear. 3Let your beauty come not from the outward adorning of braiding your hair, and of wearing gold ornaments or of putting on fine clothing, 4but from the hidden person of the heart, in the incorruptible adornment of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in God’s sight. 5For this is how in the past the holy women who hoped in God also adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands. 6So Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose children you now are if you do well and are not put in fear by any terror.
7You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman as to the weaker vessel, as also being joint heirs of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
8Finally, all of you be like-minded, compassionate, loving as brothers, tenderhearted, courteous, 9not rendering evil for evil or insult for insult; but instead blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. 10For,
“He who would love life
and see good days,
let him keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from speaking deceit.
11Let him turn away from evil and do good.
Let him seek peace and pursue it.
12For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
and his ears open to their prayer;
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
13Now who will harm you if you become imitators of that which is good? 14But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you are blessed. “Don’t fear what they fear, neither be troubled.” 15But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts. Always be ready to give an answer to everyone who asks you a reason concerning the hope that is in you, with humility and fear, 16having a good conscience. Thus, while you are spoken against as evildoers, they may be disappointed who curse your good way of life in Christ. 17For it is better, if it is God’s will, that you suffer for doing what is right than for doing evil. 18Because Christ also suffered for sins once, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring you to God, being put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the Spirit, 19in whom he also went and preached to the spirits in prison, 20who before were disobedient when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ship was being built. In it, few, that is, eight souls, were saved through water. 21This is a symbol of baptism, which now saves you—not the putting away of the filth of the flesh, but the answer of a good conscience toward God—through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, 22who is at the right hand of God, having gone into heaven, angels and authorities and powers being made subject to him.
When the word love is used, a variety of ideas might be in the mind of people in contemporary society. It may be loving sports, pets, friends, children, spouses and God. Love may be only an emotional response, or it can be an act of sacrifice for another person. The kind of love asked of the husband by the apostle Paul is not one of emotion or romantic attraction. The term agape (ἀγάπη) is a decision of the will by which a person seeks the highest good for another person (a la Charles Finney), according to the will of God. This is the kind of love that Paul exhorts the husband to have for his wife, and does so by comparing this human love to that of Christ's love for the church.
The apostle's teaching is based first on the nature and responsibility of male and female in Genesis 1-3, to be one, to procreate, and to dominate the earth as vice-regents with God. Adam and Eve were created to be partners in fulfilling the purposes of God in the earth. They were both created in the image of God, albeit Eve through Adam, and they were told to "be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth" (Gen 1:28).
Based on the biblical teaching of Genesis and the parallel example of how Christ relates to the church, he provides several duties of the husband to be like Jesus. The love of which Paul speaks is not emotional or romantic love, but a love directed toward the good of another person besides oneself. We have something unusual in the biblical text that is different from what one expects. Since immediately before this instruction he had commanded wives to be subject to their husbands as they are obedient to the Lord, one would have expected an exhortation on how a husband is to rule his wife, but this is absent. Rather he teaches how a husband is to love his wife, seeking her highest good. Though the man and woman may have initially had a romantic attraction, upon marriage the love becomes an act of the will to love another more than oneself. Moreover, this command is based on the prototype of how Christ loves the church.
There are several ways that apostle illustrates how the husband is to love his wife. The first is that he is to love by sacrificing for his wife, even as was done by Jesus for the church: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Eph 5:25). Thus, in the marriage, the husband is to give of himself, not get for himself.
Second, the husband loves like Christ by sanctifying his wife (Eph 5:26) by cleansing her with the Word of God. This is similar to what we see Jesus saying about the church (at that time the disciples) in John 17:17: "Sanctify them in your truth. Your word is truth." As famed New Testament scholar, B.F. Westcott said, "Christ loved the Church not because it was perfectly lovable, but in order to make it such."
The third manner in which a husband may love his wife is to nourish and cherish her, as Christ does the church. This requires the husband to become aware of her needs. The apostle Peter speaks to this when he exhorts husbands to dwell with their wives according to knowledge (1 Pet 3:7). He must love her like he loves himself. He must discover her interests and find ways in which to fulfill her desires and dreams. He will cherish (Eph 5:29) her by being sensitive to her concerns and needs.
Fourth, the husband is to commit to her. He does this by leaving his father and mother to become one flesh with his wife. By this is not meant to abandon one's relationship with father and mother, brother and sister, or son and daughter. It is that the husband, unlike the other relationships, has a much more intimate relationship with his wife than with any other relative or friend. He becomes "one flesh" with her, one that demands commitment to the relationship.
Fifth, with this intimate relationship of a husband and wife comes the need to love her by sexually fulfilling her. This is a difficult subject to discuss, since it is the most intimate and personal aspect of two persons, the sharing of bodies and emotions that blends the lives of the couple. Even the Hebrew terms "male" and "female" speak of the sexual nature and uniqueness of the man and woman as intended by God. They are different anatomically and yet they are one together. The one flesh of Genesis speaks of this reality. The apostle emphasizes the importance of this relationship in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, something unlikely in the ancient world. He presents the husband and wife equally having a duty to the other sexually that can only be broken by the duty of commitment to spiritual responsibilities, but then only for a short time.
Sixth, and last, the apostle emphasizes again the need of a husband to love his wife, with the added duty of the wife (consistent with the teaching regarding wives to subject themselves to their husbands in 5:22-24) to respect her husband. Each partner has been given responsibility for themselves, and not on the other, in order to strengthen the marriage as a reflection of Christ and His church toward each other.