Getting Along Best

3 In the same way, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, so that, even if any don’t obey the Word, they may be won by the behavior of their wives without a word, 

There is an order of things in the universe. God designed us and planned for us to function best when we follow His design. Peter gives instructions concerning the relationship between a husband and a wife. When there is order in the home, there is peace. When there is disorder, there is chaos and no peace. We are not to find our roles in marriage from the world. That will always end in chaos. Harmony exists in a marriage when a husband and a wife operate by the guidelines of scripture, and God knows best what we need.

There are more instructions in here for the woman than for the man. Why would that be? I think maybe it’s because a woman faces more challenges in marriage than a man does. It can be challenging for the woman because she is called to follow someone whom she knows is full of weaknesses. It is hard for a woman to submit to a man whom she sees as having his own problems. Husbands are called to lead, but we sometimes don’t do such a good job of it. The fact of the matter is that often women make better leaders, but God has called the man to step up and assume that leadership role, whether he's comfortable with it or not. 

Peter begins speaking to the wives. He begins by telling wives to “be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives”. Note that this says the wife is to be submissive to her own husband, but not to all men. The Greek word for submission comes from a word meaning to line up (like the military) under a leader who knows how to fight. Part of a man’s role in marriage is to fight the battles of life and stand up to the world. He must fight off hunger and privation. That means he must provide security to the wife and the children. Society bristles at the thought of a woman standing by her man. I suppose, because without the governance of the Lord on a man, he is prone to be an abuser.  A husband is never told to lord it over his wife in a spirit of supremacy and domination. He is ordered to be a leader. Unfortunately, many men have abdicated their leadership role. When a woman sees this leadership void, she is insecure and induced to fear. Fear opens the door to all kinds of dysfunction, and the temptation to right the ship and assume the leadership role is overwhelming.

This passage does not call women to suffer any kind of abuse. Instead, it is a fleshing out of what it means to be a “helpmeet,” as mentioned in Genesis 2:18. A man and a woman should be in harness together. “Helpmeet” is an Old English word meaning “suitable”. The New King James says that the wife is a “helper comparable to him”. God saw that Adam needed some help, and He sent him Eve. Adam was incomplete without Eve. This doesn’t mean that all men have to have a woman. The Apostle Paul even says that celibacy is a good thing for a man who is in Christian service. It also doesn’t mean that every woman must be a “completer” of some man. This is just pointing out that God made these two sexes, and when they are married to one another, there is an order that should be followed to get along, to procreate, to nurture, and to rear children. Again, this doesn’t speak to every Christian man and woman, but it sets a standard for how those who do marry are to function together best.